'Cognate' is just the linguistic term, something I learned while studying Spanish at some point. I'm no longer sure this is accurate, but that English and Spanish are comprised of about 40% cognate words with the same Latin derivation is written in Sharpie in my brain as a fact of life. Which is pretty interesting, seeing as how English is a Germanic language, part of a completely different family, that's been evolving for a couple of thousand years in a moderately geographically isolated region.
Anyway, English and German are much more closely related, but (I guess mainly) because of that geographical isolation that happened between the Anglo and Saxon peoples and the many tribes that preceded them, there were some key sound changes that occurred when Germanic branched off into three distinct regional subgroups, which is why Germans have great difficulty saying 'th', and why we have great difficulty producing throaty, hard consonant sounds.
One of these was subgroups was East Germanic, comprised of Burgundian, Gothic, and Vandalic, and is extinct.
The North Germanic language family is more commonly known as 'the Nordic languages', and is a little more obvious: Danish, Swedish, Norwegian, Faroese, and Icelandic. Interestingly, there was a bridge between the continental and island varieties, called Norn, that was spoken on Orkney and in the Shetlands, in the far north of what is now Scotland, until the 1800's.
The West Germanic languages are probably the ones most relevant to everyone reading this: English, Scots, Frisian, Dutch, Afrikaans, German, and, a bit more obscurely, Luxembourgish, Yiddish, and the great many creoles and pidgins that arose from imperialist colonisers who were mostly speakers of English and Dutch. Which does not include Afrikaans, because that is, in fact, its own actual language.
Fun fact: Scots - sometimes called Lowland Scots - and Scottish Gaelic are different languages! Did you know that? I didn't, until I was researching this stuff to include as part of an admittedly kind of ridiculous lesson about translating hilarious and trashy Scottish tweets into plain English. The Gaelic languages, like the Romance languages, are a completely and totally different family. English and Scots, though, both evolved out of Middle English. Weird! Cool! Nerdy! Moving on!
Here's the list I came up, with which is obviously by no means exhaustive:
Abort - Bathroom; WC
Not sure how common this one is; I've never seen it irl.
Affekt - Excitement
This kind of makes sense, I guess.. Like, if you're very affected by something? We tend to call feelings associated with excitement "infectious". Is that a coincidence? Probably. But wHo KnOwS!
Arm - Poor; Poverty
This is a weird one. I learned it recently while talking to Hannes' dad, from context. Like, wut. The closest thing that comes to mind is "alms", the thing that poor monks beg for.
Art - Kind; Type
Just so you know. Don't think what you're ordering at a restaurant is super fancy or anything lol.
Bald - Soon
This is one of those words a person naturally learns very quickly, so you don't stop to think about it much, but like.. how, Sway?!
Band - Ribbon
Well, okay, fair enough. A ribbon is a narrow band of fabric. But, still counts!
Bar - Bare; Naked; Pure
Sounds like the place you go to buy drinks and socialise, but is actually nakedness.
Hmm, almost got me, but not today, Satan!
Bitten - To Ask
If you've been to Germany you've surely heard "bitte", which is "please". The infinitive takes this funny form. Interestingly, they do also have "bitter", just like English.
Chef - Boss
This is something that I've already corrected so often in just 6 months of business English instruction and coaching that I no longer find it cute or funny. No, Brunhilde, you do not work in a kitchen, the person you report to is not a damn chef. Hahaha. Get it together. -stony glare-
Dick - Thick; Fat
Dom ("Dome") - Cathedral
I learned this one when I first came to Germany with Hannes from Korea 4 1/2 years ago. We went on a road trip around the country, including to Cologne or Köln, about a month before moving to Tokyo. I didn't google a damn thing beforehand, so it was all a surprise, including the single most-visited site in the country, the massive, spiky, scorched-black gothic Cologne cathedral.
Hannes kept telling me about the "dome" and I was pretty excited about it, but having a hard time visualising a dome this imposing, and kept looking for one while we were driving or he was pointing, and I just couldn't manage to see it.
I seriously did not figure this out at all until like a day or two later, when we saw the damn thing, and he and his friends (who were living there and who we were staying with) and I all had a good laugh about it.
Beware the pitfalls of these false friends, friends, for they shall lead you astray! To imaginary domes, and know knows where else! Brothels! Tar pits! Proceed with caution.
Eis ("Ice") - Ice Cream
This one is so similar and easy to understand but honestly annoys me a lot because, for quite some time now, I've been unable to eat dairy products again, unable to process lactose, and not really interested in milk or milk products to begin with. When I think "ice", I think of refreshing cubes, chunks, pebbles, or fluffy shaved shreds of frozen water, but that's not really a thing in Europe.
Iced coffee, for example, is not a thing. People are just startled when I ask for it or about it. They drink disgustingly hot coffee even while actively sweating and squinting in the blazing sun. "I think.. Starbucks, maybe? Has drinks like that?" is the most helpful response I got my first year here. Those kinds of drinks are not even coffee and I do not go to fucking Starbucks to pay 6 euro for them, Brunhilde. Numerous times I had seen "Eis Kaffee" on menus and gotten excited for a second, only to realise that they meant something like affogato. Ugghh.
Thankfully, I found a fancy unique coffee shop here in Hamburg that understands that cold brew and coffee over ice, even without loads of milk, cream, or ice cream, are things that are possible and very good.
Fabrik - Factory
Again, fair enough.. 'to fabricate'. Still counts, though!
Fahrt - Ride; Journey; Trip
huehuehue
Fall - Case; Event
Combined with 'Not', further down the list, you get 'Notfall', 'emergency'.
Which is kind of funny, cause like.. somebody probably did fall though, right?
Fast - Almost
Another one that you inevitably learn early on and don't really question, but is actually pretty weird!
Faul ("Foul") - Lazy
Very appropriately, a sloth is called a "Faultier" or simply "lazy animal".
Fern - Far Away
The German word for "television" is "Fernseher", which means "Far-seer", as if that shit were some kind of crystal ball powered by black magic. Pretty cool, right?
Gift - Poison
One of my personal favourites and a true false cognate, this one is pretty outrageous. Makes you wonder if there's a Red Wedding-esque story behind it or something.
Grab - Tomb; Grave
Gross - Big; Tall; Large
Handy - Smartphone
huehuehue
Hell - Light; Bright
Hell is other people, but also in a lesser way bright glaring sunlight like the kind I was born and raised under, so this is understandable.
Herd - Hearth; Fireplace
Hut - Hat
Well, if you think about a hut, it's very much a building with a straw hat. Valid. I'll allow it.
Kissen - Pillow; Cushion
This one I find very cute and silly. "To kiss" is the similar "küssen".
Klee ("Clay") - Clover; Shamrock
Korn - Grain
Potentially confusing, but obviously corn is a grain, so again, valid, I'll allow it.
Kreis - Circle
I still lowkey hate this one because it's so much like "cross", which is actually "Kreuz". Can't seem to get rid of the association in my head and think of a circle when I look at this word or hear it without an accompanying hand gesture.
Links - Left
Lob - Praise
Remember when that Iraqi guy lobbed both his shoes at George W. Bush in praise of his treatment of the Iraqi people and the sovereignty of their nation?
Me, too.
Mitten - In the Middle of
Moos - Moss
Sounds like "moose", which is actually "Elch"/"elk" in German. I had a two week-long back-and-forth with a biologist about this. Long story. There's a Wiki article.
Not - Distress; Emergency; Necessity
Sensibel - Sensitive
Nope, not sensible. No one likes this false friend; it's the most oft-discussed one in my experience so far.
Qualm - Dense Smoke
Dafuq? How did this happen?
Rat - Counsel; Advice
By now you're surely familiar with "Rathaus", or "city hall", which I've brought up very many times and continue to find very amusing and truthful.
Rock - Skirt
This one I learned using Rosetta Stone, a phase that lasted for like five minutes because the amount of simple noun, verb, and adjective repetition was absolutely mind-numbing, and then suddenly they were like, "Okay, 'die' vs. 'das' vs. 'der', test, because you know and have memorised all of the articles, which is the hardest yet least important thing, right?!"
"Skirt" was one of those annoying words I identified and said somewhere between 12 and 400 times. I hated that software, and I hate this word. This false cognate is dumb. No one wears rocks. They're not comfy. Boooo.
See - Lake
The most frequently mistaken noun on the list, though interestingly not brought up as often as an example of a false friend, at least among the people I've been talking to and working with.
Sekt - Sparkling Wine
Don't drink Sekt if a sect offers it to you. Otherwise everything is fine.
Starr - Stiff; Paralysed
... Huh.
Stock - Floor; Story
Strand - Beach
If anything a beach is a strand, or a sort of long thin string, of sand, which is also "Sand" in German.
Wand - Wall
As in the wall inside, not one standing outside like the "Mauer" that divided Berlin. "Leinwand" is "canvas", which makes me wonder what exactly German walls were traditionally made of.
Will - Want
The most frequently mistaken verb on the list, beginners and lower-intermediate speakers tend to tell you about a lot of future intentions that are actually things they'd like to have.
Winken - To Wave
Aww. I like this one. This one is good.
Zirkel - Compass
To be fair, compasses are always round, and that one kind that's not, that we used for math class, did draw circles.
I'm going to leave you with a second, smaller category of these words that I'm going to call false homophones.
They are definitely unrelated, which is pretty clear when you see them written, but they sound exactly like or very similar to certain English words.
Bild ("Build") - Picture; Image
Ei ("Eye") - Egg
Eile ("Ai-luh", much like "Aisle" or "Isle") - Hurry
Feind ("Find") - Enemy
Looks like "fiend", but sounds totally different, like "moos" and "moss"!
Floh ("Flow") - Flea
Hai - Shark
This one is a special exception. When I learned it I was so flummoxed that I googled how it came about, and it turns out that "shark" has traveled through Europe like a bad round of 'Telephone' and come out in some very strange and astonishingly different ways.
Igel ("Ii-gehl", much like "Eagle") - Hedgehog
When I learned the German word for those snuffly little idiots after we went to the hedgehog cafe in Tokyo I made all kinds of stupid jokes about them soaring majestically (-baseball-throwing motion-) and whatnot.
Mieter ("Meter") - Tenant
Of course there is also the metric measurement, but that's got a soft "e", like "meh-ter".
Siegel ("Zee-gehl", much like "Seagull") - Seal
Just in case you're at the beach with German people who point something out and you're like, "The fuck, are we even looking at the same thing?"
Wimper ("Whimper") - Eyelash
Just a cute silly one that I particularly like. And that's the end of my list!
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